Gov. Jeff Landry of Louisiana signs a bill mandating that the Ten Commandments be displayed in all public classrooms. He says of the legislation, “I can’t wait to be sued.”
***
Mr. Landry is sued by 28 organizations, including the American Civil Liberties Union, Amalgamated Atheists of America, the Benevolent and Protective Order of Beelzebubbians, the Spouses of U.S. Supreme Court Justices Neighborhood Welcome Wagon Association, and Liberals for the Prevention of Morality.
The Republican Party responds with a fund-raising email blitz for a new legal defense fund. The subject line reads, “Moses ❤️ Louisiana (and Trump!!!).”
***
Donald Trump hails Mr. Landry, calling him “the greatest mayor of Louisiana maybe ever.”
“Actually, ever,” he adds.
When President Biden points out that Louisiana is a state, not a city, a Trump spokesman responds with a statement: “Once again, the morally corrupt head of the Biden Marxist Leninist Maoist family crime syndicate has demonstrated its contempt for all residents of Louisiana, or as it will be known in the second Trump term, Holy Land East.”
***
Speaking before the annual conference of the Evangelical Substitute Teachers Association on the eve of Thursday’s presidential debate against Mr. Biden, Mr. Trump calls the Ten Commandments “my favorite of all the commandments.” In an apparent reference to Moses, he says that “being from New York City,” he “personally knows many, many people named Moe, all of them terrific, and most of them dentists.”
***
The Ten Commandments controversy dominates the debate on Thursday. Mr. Biden challenges Mr. Trump to name “one commandment that you haven’t broken.” Mr. Trump fires back, “Thou shalt not rig elections.”
Fox News immediately declares Mr. Trump the winner of the debate, even though 87 minutes remain in the 90-minute forum. But the Trump campaign is dealt a setback when the former president remarks that “God — and what a beautiful god he is, so beautiful, so very, very beautiful — delivered the commandments at Mount Sinai, a top New York hospital.”
***
Emboldened by Louisiana, the Tennessee legislature sends a bill to Gov. Bill Lee mandating that screen savers on devices (including televisions, iPhones and GPS) display clips from the 1956 movie “The Ten Commandments,” starring Charlton Heston as Moses.
Mr. Lee says, “I can’t wait for it to be viewed.”
***
Emboldened by Tennessee, South Carolina’s legislature sends a bill to Gov. Henry McMaster mandating that all Boeing aircraft and BMW vehicles assembled in South Carolina show the Ten Commandments on windshields, using heads-up display technology.
Mr. McMaster signs the bill, remarking that if Moses had this in the 13th century B.C.E., “he’d have gotten those Israelites to the Land of Canaan a whole lot faster than 40 years.”
The new law is hailed by South Carolina Baptists as “morally clarifying,” but the Air Line Pilots Association, representing 78,000 U.S. and Canadian pilots, expresses “grave reservations.” When several Boeing aircraft land on Fort Sumter, mistaking it for Charleston International Airport, the Federal Aviation Administration grounds all Boeing aircraft assembled in South Carolina. Mr. McMaster denounces it as “typical Washington, D.C., totalitarian interference” and says he cannot “wait to sue.”
His defiance is complicated after numerous incidents involving South Carolina-assembled BMWs driving into palmettos.
***
U.S. Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito Jr. says he has “no idea” how a 50-foot-high billboard inscribed with the Ten Commandments “ended up” atop his New Jersey vacation home.
Drone footage taken by a neighbor shows a woman closely resembling Martha-Ann Alito, the justice’s wife, dangling from a crane, wearing a hard hat and painting what appear to be the words “THOU SHALT NOT.”
It instantly goes viral.
Justice Alito says he was napping at the time, and thought the noise on the roof was “Martha-Ann throwing rocks at sea gulls.”
***
The Supreme Court agrees to an expedited hearing on the Louisiana law. Justices Alito and Clarence Thomas refuse to recuse themselves from the case, despite a controversial leaked exchange of texts between them:
Thomas: Great signage by Martha-Ann. That girl’s got GAME.
Alito: Yeah but she’s not making my life easier. Roberts desperate for us to recuse on Louisiana. Has got his robe in a twist over the latest SCOTUS disapproval rating.
Thomas: Oh boo hoo hoo. What’s he worried about? Getting fired?
Alito: LOL. Martha-Ann says if I recuse she’s hiring the Goodyear blimp.
Thomas: MAJOR signage! Thou shalt not mess with Martha-Ann!
***
The Supreme Court rules 7-2 against Louisiana. Mr. Landry declares an official day of mourning. But Mr. Trump is unbowed, posting on Truth Social: “I will add 10 fabulous new commandments on day one of Trump Two, so help me God!”
Christopher Buckley is a novelist, humorist and former speechwriter for Vice President George H.W. Bush. He is the author of “God Is My Broker,” “Thank You for Smoking” and “Has Anyone Seen My Toes?”
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