As the graduates of Newtown High School filed across an outdoor stage in Sandy Hook, Conn., on Wednesday evening, shaking hands and receiving diplomas, 20 of their classmates were missing.
For the dozens of seniors who had also attended Sandy Hook Elementary School, those classmates have been missing for more than 11 years. They were in first grade on Dec. 14, 2012, when a gunman attacked their school in one of the most horrific mass shootings in U.S. history. Twenty students — ages 6 and 7 — and six faculty members were shot and killed.
The seniors pinned green ribbons that read “we choose love” and “forever in our hearts” to their blue and white graduation gowns. They sat on folding chairs on their school’s football field and listened as their principal read the 20 names of the would-be graduates.
“Their names were supposed to be read on that day, and the fact that they weren’t there is awful,” said Matt Holden, 17, who survived the shooting at Sandy Hook. “They should have been there.”
Nicole Hockley, whose son Dylan was 6 when he was killed in the shooting, said the high school had been considerate to the victims’ families, offering remembrances in the yearbook and inviting them to Wednesday’s ceremony, which she decided not to attend.
She said in an interview that she did not want to bring anyone down as they prepared for the excitement of their graduation.
“It’s a strange day, in all honesty, because I’m super happy for all of the kids that are graduating,” Ms. Hockley said.
“But obviously at the same time, it’s tugging at my heartstrings,” she said. “I wish Dylan and all the other kids that were killed at Sandy Hook were also there today.”
Newtown has changed a lot since the shooting, according to Msgr. Robert Weiss, a Roman Catholic priest who was the first clergy member to arrive at the scene of the shooting. New families have moved into town. New buildings have gone up.
But for those who lived there at the time, Monsignor Weiss said, there remains a hidden bond. To this day, he will walk into a Starbucks and order a coffee, only to find that someone else has paid for it, in thanks for how he helped the town heal.
Monsignor Weiss accompanied the police to the house of each victim to inform the families. When he got home at 2 a.m., he turned his television on, hoping to catch a Christmas movie to help him sleep. Instead, he landed on “Carousel,” and heard the song “You’ll Never Walk Alone.”
It was then he realized, he said, that the people of Newtown would need to lean on each other to survive.
“I think it’s beautiful how so many of those who were really on ground zero pulled themselves together and have been a real strength for each other,” he said.
Changed or not, this week has been hard on Newtown. News trucks and television cameras lined Main Street, resurfacing memories from that December.
Mark Barden, who lost his son Daniel, 7, in the shooting, said the emotional weight of graduation day had caught him off guard.
As the years have gone by, with each passing milestone, he has wondered what his son would look like now, what he would be doing, what would be ahead of him. The graduation “wraps all of that up and puts a point on it,” he said.
“My heart goes out to that class who was there and survived that horrible atrocity and have to live with that for the rest of their lives,” said Mr. Barden, who also declined to attend the ceremony.
“There’s a certain element of leaving the safety of the high school environment and your hometown ecosystem,” he said. “And so they have that normal anxiety to contend with, plus all this additional life experience that was forced upon them.”
Mr. Holden said three scenes still stick out to him from the day of the shooting.
He remembers encountering a police officer with his gun drawn. He remembers seeing his mother outside the school, crying uncontrollably. And he remembers lining up by class at the firehouse, which became the reunification center, and realizing that one class was missing the majority of its students.
Later that afternoon, Mr. Holden said, his parents took him for a walk and tried to explain what had happened. The reality wouldn’t sink in for years, he said, but he must have understood to some degree, because he gathered a rock for each of the friends whom his parents said he wouldn’t see again.
Those rocks are still in his backyard, where his family has a makeshift memorial to the victims of the shooting.
This week, as per town tradition, the graduates of Newtown High School returned to their respective elementary schools for a visit. For Mr. Holden, it was his first time visiting Sandy Hook’s new campus, which was rebuilt after the building where the shooting took place was torn down.
He and the other survivors walked through the halls, high-fiving the students.
“I enjoyed it a lot,” he said. “Knowing that they were having a great experience and seeing the smiles on their faces was really awesome.”
But seeing how small the first graders were reminded him of just how young he had been when the shooting took place. He realized that nothing could have prepared him for what happened.
When a gunman opened fire at an elementary school in Uvalde, Texas, on May 24, 2022, killing 19 fourth graders and two teachers, the ripple effects hit Newtown hard, Monsignor Weiss said.
It was so similar to what had happened at Sandy Hook that people found it particularly difficult to process, even despite the constant drumbeat of mass shootings in the United States.
“People are becoming a little immune to it, which is horrible to say, because it’s so common now,” Monsignor Weiss said. “Grocery stores, malls, movie theaters, churches, you know, it’s just become woven into a part of our lives.”
Mr. Holden will attend college in Washington, D.C., in the fall, where he plans to study political science. He hopes to enter politics and fight for gun control.
“After Sandy Hook, there should have been change, and while there was maybe some change, there was by no means enough,” he said. “The way I see it now, if I want that change to happen, the best way to make it happen is to go out there and do it myself.”
While Mr. Holden said his graduation day felt celebratory overall, there were somber notes. After the high school’s principal, Kimberly Longobucco, read the name of each child who had died in the shooting, there was a moment of silence.
“We remember them for their bravery, their kindness and their spirit,” Dr. Longobucco said. “Let us strive to honor them today and every day.”
It took her almost two minutes to read through the names — names that the surviving graduates have pledged to remember and that have inspired their next steps.
“I think that is a truly beautiful way to remember what was lost and what should be here,” Ms. Hockley said. “These kids are carrying my son and the others with them.”
Neil Vigdor contributed reporting.
