Stef Dag, a 28-year-old comedian, is slightly cynical but also hopeful about finding love in New York.
“There are actually a lot of people out there who are cool and really want to find a connection, but just can’t seem to find it,” she said.
As the creator and host of the digital dating show “Hot & Single” — whose tagline is “the show where we find out if the problem is you” — Ms. Dag has tried to help others find that connection while turning the mirror on New York’s dysfunctional dating scene.
That has meant conversations with singles who still live with their exes, regular sperm donors who just want a sweet man to love-bomb, and polyamorous daters whose ideal partner will sit at home while they go out and see other people.
In two-minute videos posted to the show’s Instagram and TikTok accounts, which collectively have nearly 400,000 followers, Ms. Dag facetiously interviews local singletons about their biggest dating failures, quirks, kinks and toxic traits. She also recently started a weekly podcast.
Born and raised in New Jersey, Ms. Dag graduated from New York University in 2017 with what she describes as “a misguided dream that I was going to change the world with political satire.” Instead, she went viral interviewing her male friends about female anatomy on TikTok, and launched “Hot & Single” on Valentine’s Day last year.
Ms. Dag, who is a regular host and comedian at The Stand in Gramercy Park, is in a long-distance relationship with Raza Jafri, a comedian in Texas, and lives in a two-bedroom apartment in the Bushwick area of Brooklyn with her friend Sofia Alvarez.
NO PHONE (KIND OF) I probably wake up around 9 a.m. I’m trying not to, but I often check my phone first and scroll Instagram. Then I’ll be like, “We’re going to do something good for your brain now,” and I do meditation or breathwork. There’s this guy called Joe Dispenza who does meditations and puts them on YouTube. I’ll pick one that’s like 10 or 20 minutes and I’ll lay in bed and do that, which is also kind of an excuse just to stay in bed longer.
SKIN CARE I’ll get up and go to the bathroom to do my skin care routine. I’m pretty militant about it, but I’m constantly switching out the products I use depending on who is giving me free stuff. Brands have just sent me stuff in the past, or they reach out and send me things to try. I share everything with my roommate. We just got an app where you scan a product and it tells you how bad it is on a scale of zero to 100. Turns out every product is bad for you, so we are kind of readjusting right now.
MANIFESTING Manifesting is big for me. I try to make it part of my morning practice, or I bring my journal to a coffee shop and write things down. I also have sticky notes on my wall of things that I want to happen, and yes, they do come true. Like, two years ago, I wrote down that I wanted a feature in Nylon magazine, get an agent, pitch a TV show with my roommate. That all happened. On my list now is a comedy special with a major streaming service, and to write a memoir.
CONCOCTIONS Before I have coffee, I drink Athletic Greens, which is a green powder. I usually chug that over the sink, because it’s disgusting. Then I will make my first coffee of the day. I have a Nespresso machine, which is like my baby. I’ll do a double shot and froth some oat milk. I’ve been doing bulletproof coffee lately, so I’ll melt some butter in it as well, and I put raw cacao in it.
DEAD FUNNY I’ll take my coffee to go and walk around my neighborhood. Depending on what I’m going through that day, I’ll either listen to Oprah’s Super Soul conversations, or I’ll kind of walk around and practice new jokes out loud. There’s a cemetery nearby that I like to walk through while I work out new material. Sometimes it’s randomly closed, so I’ll go to Irving Square Park or just walk all over Bushwick. I have these Bluetooth headphones that I put on. Sometimes, if I pass a person, I’ll be like, “What’d you say?” to pretend I’m on the phone and not just talking to myself.
BOX AND POLE For working out, I will go to McCarren Park with my roommate to do boxing with our boxing instructor. I also recently started taking pole dancing classes, which is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I thought that I was going to get good really fast, but it actually seems like it’ll be years until I’ll be decent. I started in January and immediately installed a pole in the middle of my kitchen. My roommate came home after being gone for a month and was like, “What did you do?” If I try to do anything on it, I hit my fridge and clear the dishes off the countertops, but I love it.
COFFEE AND FRENCH MEN After my workout, I come home for a shower and go to the coffee shop near my apartment, Father Knows Best, to do work. I will get a coffee cortado and order their mushroom hash.
Sometimes I’ll go to the Roxy Hotel instead. They have this area that you can sit in if you’re not staying at the hotel. It’s very sexy and there’s always French men, which I like looking at, but it’s also very distracting. I’m very scatterbrained, so I’ll have like three tabs open of things I’m working on. One is usually jokes. I free-write for 10 or 20 minutes and see what works. Best-case scenario is when I work on a joke and then try it out that night at the comedy club. I’ll also edit comedy clips for my own social media.
CASTING SINGLES I try to contain work for “Hot & Single” to Monday through Friday, but that rarely happens, so I’ll go through submissions and pick people that I’m shooting with that week. I have a Google form that people can use, but I also sift through my DMs, where there’s people asking me to be on it. It’s so much more work for me and I should just stick with the form, but I’m curious about what kind of weird things I’ll see in my DMs. I always check people’s Instagram to make sure they’re not creeps. The show is obviously called “Hot & Single,” but being single is the only hard requirement. To me, being hot just means there’s something interesting about you.
EUROPEAN WALK When I feel good about the amount of work I’ve done, I go into the city to meet up with friends. I like this cafe called Fanelli that’s in the Washington Square Park area and I’m a member at Soho House, but we usually just end up meandering the Lower East Side and Little Italy, pretending we’re in Europe. My mom is from Bosnia, and she and her friends would spend the summer just going from cafe to cafe for hours, getting cake and a coffee at each place. That is my ideal way to spend time with my friends. Or if my boyfriend’s in town, I’ll do that with him.
STAND-UP If I have a show at 7 p.m., I’ll get to The Stand around 6:45. I usually order food there because I get a discount. I get their chicken Caesar salad or the steak. Upstairs there’s a table that all the comedians sit at, so I’ll be hosting or doing a spot and just eat throughout the show. I don’t drink on days that I’m doing comedy, so I’ll have a seltzer with bitters, or a black coffee. I’m always there for at least three hours. I’ll watch some other sets, see a friend or sometimes they give me a guest spot.
INSOMNIA When I get home, I put on my pajamas, wash my face, do my nighttime skin care routine, then stretch in my living room or do some pole exercises while I’m watching TV. Right now I’m watching “Veep,” or I’ll put on “Seinfeld” for the 1,000th time. I try to get to bed by 11 or 12. I have pretty bad insomnia, so I’ll lie awake for several hours. To be fair, I’ve also had at least five or six coffees throughout the day, which doesn’t help. My boyfriend usually FaceTimes me when he gets home and we fall asleep on the phone together, which is slightly humiliating, or maybe it’s cute. I guess both.
Sunday Routine readers can follow Stef Dag on Instagram @stefdagz and on TikTok @stefdag.
