The simplest way to avoid a common grave — and all that it still connotes — is for a family member to claim the body and retain a funeral home, or pay the county for cremation and collect the ashes. But, as the authors demonstrate, the process is not always smooth, or just; often it is downright Dickensian. There are resentful relatives, penurious relatives, conniving relatives, no relatives, and loved ones denied input because they are not related. There is the funeral-home industrial complex to reliably exploit the grieving. There are caring public servants unable to overcome the pettiness and illogic of the system. And, in the somber estimation of the authors, there are the rest of us.
Suggesting that a steady rise in the number of unclaimed dead in the United States stems largely from “social isolation caused by eroding family ties,” they urge us to expand programs that nurture inclusivity. They also advocate for broadening the government’s narrowly defined definition of “family” so that the dead can be claimed by those who truly loved them; in a more understanding process, for example, Midge would have been buried by the church congregants who had become her chosen family.
Now and then, the shovel hits a rock or two. The authors succeed in conveying the fullness to be found in every life, but a more judicious use of detail in the four profiles would have benefited the narrative flow. And, in a lecturing afterword, they implore readers to make sure that our loved ones know that we care — a recommendation better left implied.
Ultimately, their book is a work of grace. Throughout are people who embrace the worth of every life: the women who ensure that abandoned babies are buried with dignity, the veterans who orchestrate send-offs for their broken brothers and sisters, the son who arranges the cremation of the father he barely knew.
The Catholic priest who, on a rainy December day, prepares to lead a multifaith memorial service for 1,457 unclaimed people — including Midge — whose ashes have been buried in a mass grave in a Los Angeles cemetery. He frets that limited parking and inclement weather, among other obstacles, will lower attendance.
